He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
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I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
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Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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