Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
