its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
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I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
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I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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