If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
