At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
