She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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