The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
