i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
