Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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