I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
