a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
