I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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