I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
