i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
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after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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