You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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