I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
