So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
