i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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