found the other keg... it's in the tree
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
