What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
