I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize