Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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