Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
