was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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