Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
