mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
