I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
