Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
the night ended with taco bell and tears
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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