I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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