i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You pole danced in your parka.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
