My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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