I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
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Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
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I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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