As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
