Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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