high people should be assigned attendants
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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