Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
