U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
