And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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