I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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