Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
