he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
