I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
