I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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