Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
