Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
