She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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