And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
