plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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