I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
