Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
