why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Oh god it's open bar.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
