His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
