I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
