What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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