I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
