Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
