I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
