tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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