Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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