Just fell off a train. Bad.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
