you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
