Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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