She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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