I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
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You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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