the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
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there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
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Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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