Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I want her autograph on my taint
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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