Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
