god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
