it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
